The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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