somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
