I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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