I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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