So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
