My underwear smells like fireworks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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