Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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