I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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