Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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