Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
