i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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