people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
