my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
