I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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