: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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