he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
