soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
