Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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