first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you didnt know i had herpes?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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