I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
