If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
