drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
