literally had 100 drinks last night.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm jealous of your bromance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
