We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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