Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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