barbara walters just said penis...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
