I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
