Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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