so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
