four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
