i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
