hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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