party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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