just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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