I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
