We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
