The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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