I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
