She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
