TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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