she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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