who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
