yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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