my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
