i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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