i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
