can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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