He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
