Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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