im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
