OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
