I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
