Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
