Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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