I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
