Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
