P.S. I can't hear my feet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
