My Higher Power is John Stamos
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
