This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are we still banned from the library?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
