Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
