I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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