she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
