I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
