he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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