so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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