Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
