But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
