i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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