I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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